just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
