everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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