He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
