one might say we're banned from that church
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
