he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
