did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
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It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
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I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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