I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If I die, sorry about rent.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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