I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
