I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
