I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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