nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
