So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
