The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
