Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The adults are the big ones right?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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