and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
