I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Your tits are I can't wait for
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
