end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
