I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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