"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
