i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
