i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
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i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
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Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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