Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
