I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
