I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
