they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
