I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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