I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
