Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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