you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
