Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
