How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Girls should come with a carfax report
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
