the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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