if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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