Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
