1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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