I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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