I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
