so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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