I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
