Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
