Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
