At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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