loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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