Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
