but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
