I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize