if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
