I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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