how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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