it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
