Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
