I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
