What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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