wakey wakey hands off snakey
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
