I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
