i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
