i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
