just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
