Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
