I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
