Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
