she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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