A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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