Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
