Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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