The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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