ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
