I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
