Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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